I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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