Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
