I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
