So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think my moral compass just broke
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