So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
