this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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