so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
And the cops told us we were all naked.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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