Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
