His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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