life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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