It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize