I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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