I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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