i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
