Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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