I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
