My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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