I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
