watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
