Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
