I wish I could punch you in the face.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
