I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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