I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
