Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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