Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
