i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You pole danced in your parka.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
