I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
