me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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