this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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