Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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