Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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