at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
