Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
