Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
