She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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