I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
