I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
