Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
