YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
