don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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