She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize