I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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