So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
