after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
