lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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