I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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