So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He shit in the fireplace
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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