Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
pray to the hookup gods
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
