Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
