he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
