How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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