They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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