Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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