I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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