Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
