One girl and one boy is just not enough.
one might say we're banned from that church
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
