shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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