actually, I'm a sock model
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
