i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
