Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
