you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
