I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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