Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
