i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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