i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
