Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
