whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
