yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
