I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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