ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
