Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
