hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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