I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
