Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
