hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
