I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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