I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
