He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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