Just fell off a train. Bad.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
