do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
