my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
