The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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