Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
