i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
