You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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