so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
