He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
