Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

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(618): View more from Illinois

We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever

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(813): View more from Florida

I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips

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(+61): View more from Australia

Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday

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(925): View more from California

Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Interlocking vagina powers go!!'

(252): View more from North Carolina

Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?

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