tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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