she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
