She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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