Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Houston, we have a blender
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
