Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
wow bdsm is so cute
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
