I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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