If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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