First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
