two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
