I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
